Laying Down the Armor: Redefining "Strength" for Black Women

I remember the first time I heard the phrase "strong Black woman." It was a humid summer evening; I was sitting in my childhood living room surrounded by my mom and a group of her closest girlfriends. We were gathered for their monthly girl's night.

As the conversations flowed and laughter filled the air, I found myself drawn to the lively chatter of the women in my home. Their voices held a captivating blend of wisdom, resilience, and a touch of weariness. I watched as they shared stories of triumphs and tribulations, each tale revealing the strength that seemed woven into the fabric of their existence.

Amidst the lively discussions, my attention was abruptly captured by my mother's voice, clear and resolute, as she spoke about her own experiences. She recounted the challenges she had faced, from navigating prejudice in the workplace to balancing the responsibilities of motherhood and her career aspirations. With a mixture of pride and exhaustion, she said, "You know, I'm a strong Black woman. I can handle anything!"

Her words hung in the air, leaving me both inspired and contemplative. In that moment, I realized this phrase, "strong Black woman," carried immense weight—a symbol of honor, but also a burden that demanded unyielding resilience. It was as if those words were etched into my very being, a label that was expected to define my existence.

From that day forward, the concept of the strong Black woman became a constant presence in my life. It felt like an invisible armor we were all expected to wear, shielding us from the world's prejudice and injustices. It celebrated our ability to rise above adversity, but it also imposed an unspoken expectation that we should never falter or reveal our vulnerabilities.

That evening served as a pivotal moment in my journey of understanding the complexity of strength as a Black woman. It sparked a burning desire within me to question the societal expectations placed upon us and to explore the true meaning of strength beyond its conventional definition. And so, the journey to challenge the myth of the strong Black woman began, paving the way for redefining strength in a way that honored our humanity, our vulnerabilities, and our capacity for self-preservation.

The myth of the strong Black woman is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it celebrates the incredible resilience and perseverance that Black women have demonstrated throughout history. It acknowledges the strength it takes to navigate a world that often undermines our worth. But on the other hand, it places an unfair burden on us, expecting us to be invincible in the face of adversity.

Society tells us that strength means being able to withstand any challenge without flinching, never showing vulnerability or seeking support. We are taught that our worth is directly tied to our ability to endure, to keep pushing forward no matter what. And while there is beauty in our resilience, it should not come at the cost of our mental health and well-being.

The workplace, in particular, can be a breeding ground for the perpetuation of this myth. As Black women, we often find ourselves in environments where we are expected to be both the "strong" ones and the ones who are least likely to seek help or support. We are praised for our work ethic and resilience, but rarely given the space or resources to tend to our own emotional needs.

I vividly recall a time when I was faced with an overwhelming workload and mounting pressure to deliver results. I pushed myself to the brink, ignoring the signs of burnout and anxiety. I felt compelled to live up to the strong Black woman archetype, fearing that acknowledging my struggles would be seen as weakness. But eventually, I realized that strength does not mean suffering in silence.

We need to redefine strength, not just for ourselves but for future generations of Black women. Strength should be about balance, self-preservation, and the courage to be vulnerable. It means recognizing that we are human beings with emotions, and that seeking support is not a sign of weakness but a testament to our resilience.

It's time to have conversations that go beyond celebrating our strength and start addressing the systemic issues that perpetuate the myth. We must advocate for workplaces that prioritize mental health and create spaces where Black women feel safe to express their vulnerabilities. We need to challenge the notion that we have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders alone.

To my fellow Black women, I want you to know that it's okay to not be okay. Your strength is not diminished by asking for help or taking time for self-care. It is a revolutionary act to prioritize your well-being in a world that constantly demands your strength. You deserve support, love, and the space to heal.

And to those who interact with Black women in the workplace and beyond, I implore you to examine the expectations you place on us. Challenge your own biases and stereotypes. Create environments that foster inclusivity, empathy, and understanding. By doing so, you will contribute to a world where strength is redefined, where the myth of the strong Black woman is dismantled, and where true resilience can flourish.

Allyship is crucial in this journey of redefining strength. Non-Black women must also reflect upon their own privileges within the workplace. Recognize the dynamics that may exist, where Black women are expected to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders while suppressing their vulnerabilities.

Challenge yourself to be an active ally in creating a safe and inclusive work environment. Take the time to listen to the experiences of Black women in your workplace and truly understand the pressures they face. Acknowledge the ways in which you may unknowingly contribute to the perpetuation of harmful stereotypes or dismiss their struggles.

Use your position of privilege to advocate for equal opportunities and fair treatment. Amplify the voices of Black women in meetings, discussions, and decision-making processes. Actively seek out their perspectives and ensure they are included in important conversations.

Educate yourself about the unique challenges and biases that Black women encounter in the workplace. Engage in conversations and training to raise awareness among your colleagues. Be a vocal supporter of diversity and inclusion initiatives, and hold yourself and others accountable for fostering a workplace culture that respects and values the holistic well-being of Black women. Allyship is an ongoing journey that requires continuous self-reflection and growth. Be willing to learn, unlearn, and challenge your own biases. Stand beside Black women as they navigate their careers, offering support, mentorship, and opportunities for growth.

Together, let us strive to create work environments that allow Black women to lay down their armor, embrace their authentic selves, and thrive without the weight of unrealistic expectations. By fostering inclusivity, understanding, and allyship, we can truly redefine strength and build workplaces that uplift and empower every individual, regardless of race or gender.